we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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