I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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