the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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