I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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