is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
