I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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