You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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