Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
