i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
