I will die if light touches me.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
