Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
zippers are such a cool invention
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
