You're completely useless in the revolution.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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