I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
