she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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