Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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