giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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