so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
