The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
