Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
