I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
