i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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