No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
