i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
