I must be too annoying 4 u.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
