oh god the rape fog is back!
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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