Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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