So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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