mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
