woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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