I faked an abortion last night.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
