How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
my shit smells like andre
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
