So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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