their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
