Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
