smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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