Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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