Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
