I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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