Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
