I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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