not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
