If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
