we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
We are two peas in an std pod
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Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
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Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm too high and old for this...
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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