Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
