Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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