Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
