You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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