Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I touched a dick in church today
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
