just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
