party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
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drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
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They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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