I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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