omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Pants are for mortals
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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