I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
