I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Holy shit dude........stairs
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