On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
