My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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