we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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