i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
