I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
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I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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