Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
