You made me cry and you don't even care
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
