I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize