The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
