yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
