i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
