my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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