Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
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Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
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mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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