shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
