he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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