What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
