i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
