I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
