Tell her she can't have a vagina
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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