I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
