I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
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I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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