my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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