So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
