I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
