dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
