I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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