wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
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he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
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I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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