Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
