my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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